The Adventures of Boba Fett, Johnny Goldtimbers, Commander Shepard, Filthy Frank, Hannah Bluefeather, Darth Vader, and Davy Gunfish
It was a new day! The world was gay! The group of friends that consisted of Boba Fett, Darth Vader, Commander Shepard, Johnny Goldtimbers, Hannah Bluefeather, and Filthy Frank moved into their new luxury home in Willow Creek. Settling In It all started when Boba Fett and Darth Vader were walking down the ghetto streets of Australia. They found in the dumpster the recently deceased Richard Venables and a very playful Filthy Frank. He was searching for mice to cook for his friend Shaman. Boba and Vader saw potential in him, so they elected him the new Emperor of the Galactic Empire. Frank took his new lieutenants to find two of Richard Venables' acquaintances. Those two associates went by the names of Johnny Goldtimbers and Hannah Bluefeather. The trio arrived with the help of Frank's dear friend, Chin Chin. He had to sacrifice Ned Edgewalker to reach the pair. When they arrived, the two were on a couch having a deep conversation about llamas. With the promise of millions of pesos, Frank convinced them to join the Galactic Empire Klan. They then set off to Willow Springs to purchase a new home for themselves. Willow Springs was a perfect location as a friend of Johnny Goldtimbers lived nearby. That man's name was Davy Gunfish. Commander Shepard saw that the galaxy had a new Emperor, and decided to join up with him. He had his pilot, Joker, fly the SSV Normandy to Australia to meet up with them. They purchased a large home for almost $300,000. That's a lot of pesos. When they first came upon their new home, everybody ran inside. Everybody except for two people. Boba Fett and Fitlhy Frank. Boba was checking for new bounties on his phone, while Filthy Frank was staring off into the distance. He was having a daydream about his old life with Pink Guy and Shaman. It was late at night, so Hannah decided it was time to go to bed. Little did she know, the room she claimed was a front for Shepard's meth lab and brothel. Darth Vader confronted him about it. He was angry that Shepard was not paying the proper Imperial taxes. The Commander denied any and all responsibility for what goes on in the bedroom. It was during this that Boba Fett stepped outside to see that the home included a lu xurious swimming pool! He decided to have a quick swim. After hearing from Vader that Shepard had been running an illegal brothel in the home, Boba decided to have some fun with him! Fett always liked to have friends that were renegades. After becoming close friends with Boba Fett, Shepard decided to try out some yoga. Hannah then saw him doing a position, so she started to mimic him. He told her that he picked up the art of Krogan yoga from an outcast on Tuchanka. Nobody loved him. Day Out It was a boring day. Everyone had already settled into the new home. The only thing there was to do was sit around lacking quite a bit of clothing. It was then that Commander Shepard gathered the household, and told them that they should go out for the day. They needed to experience the town and meet new people. Shepard told them t hat there was a bar nearby called the Solar Flare. It was at this fine establishment that the group realized that Boba had a problem with keeping his clothes on. Boba had sat down on a couch neighboring the one that Davy was sitting on. Realizing that Boba was missing some key articles of clothing, Davy turned away in disgust. After this incident, everybody decided to leave the Solar Flare before any issues arise. Fett wasn't too happy about this, he had just gotten comfortable. He eventually caved, though. They went on to visit the local museum. The museum proved to be the perfect place for Boba. He spotted a small As ian boy walking in through the door, and saw his chance. The bounty hunter for the Klan wasn't going to miss this opportunity! Boba proceeded to approach the small child, he had this in the bag. Nothing could stop him at this point. Already being de-clothed, the bounty hunter was ready to pounce. He needed to soften the boy up a little bit, though. Him and the Chinese boy conversed for a short while, but that's when things started to go awry. Another Chinese person walked through the door and made eye contact with Boba Fett. He did not know if this was the child's father, grandfather, or something completely different. One thing he did know was that he could not be caught with the child, so he found Darth Vader and made a run for it. Boba told Darth of a place where they would be safe, a place where they could lie low for a while. That place was the playground. Boba, still la cking clothing, arrived with Vader. Seeing small children, he immediately ran over to them. Vader was quite ashamed of Boba's actions, so he went to go play chess with a man sitting at one of the tables. This would not be the end of Boba's exploits for the day, though. He quickly got a notification on his phone. There was a new bounty to collect.... Bounty Hunting After getting into an argument with a member of the local chapter of the Ku Klux Klan, Boba and Vader decided to go searching for his family. Vader was livid because he couldn't even finish his match of chess against him. Boba Fett and Darth Vader assembled the Empire's newly constructed task force to track down this man and burn his family to death. To their dismay the task force was not available as they were visiting one of Kamino's underwater titty bars. Their only option was to bring the rest of the B0ss Family. They reached the house after hours of searching and pinning up wanted posters in the lo cal Burger King. A grimy Burger King was chosen to attract the scum of the neighborhood. Vader specifically asked for "that bounty hunter scum", which made Boba angry. Darth Vader later comforted him by saying that he was more qualified than the towel-headed Al-Qaeda wannabe and the Dildo-Sexbot-88. The only thing that robot ever accomplished was having sex with the Death Star. Boba knocked on the door to the home, hoping somebody will come and answer. After repeated knocks, it became apparent that nobody was going to come. But to everyone's amusement and disgust, somebody did come. That person was Boba, who proceeded to stick his penis into the keyhole. Nobody even knows how he fit it in there, it's usually very large. Some assume that Vader had manipulated the midi-chlorian count in his phallus in order to shrink its size. It was all a part of a master plan, Darth Vader had used the force to change Boba's penis from a normal dick-shaped entity to what resembled a key. Boba had successfully unlocked the door, although the hole was a bit sticky afterward. They had gained entrance to the house, and sadly for Boba no children were there to watch. There wasn't anyone home, the Klansman must have run off into hiding. Johnny just couldn't contain himself. The old man had seen a lot in his days, but nothin g quite like this. The excitement from witnessnig such event prompted him to tell everyone how they gained entry to the home. Everyone, even the random man on the street. He didn't ask for this, he didn't want this. How could you do this, you're a sick man. You're the monster that keeps kids awake at night. Keeps them awake just long enough for Boba to have his way with them. Back inside the house Frank really had to go to the bathroom, but so did Boba. Having another occupant in the restroom never stopped Boba before, why would it now? 06-17-15_9-13 PM-2.png 06-17-15_9-14 PM.png While they couldn't catch the man that had called Vader an assortment of racist names, they did have access to his computer. Darth Vader used this to his advantage. First he stole all of the information he could off of the computer, then started the dirty work. He went to various porn sites, mostly gay, and filled the computer up with viruses. No, we don't mean computer viruses. He then contacted the CIA and called in various terror threats. If he couldn't catch the man then the government surely would. The Phallus Palace Now is the time where we move on from the B0ss Family, and set our sights on a very dirty one. Never fear, this is far from the end of the ones you've come to know and love. This new family is a dirty one, very dirty indeed. This is the story of the Britain family. This is the tale of Andrew Mallace, Jeremiah Garland, and John Breasly. They were all HCOs in the government of Great Britain. John Breasly was in-fact the king. He may be younger and smaller than his servants, but they are still his servants mind you. Andrew Mallace hailed from the colonies of Mexico, while Jeremiah was the product of what a Russian does on holiday in Cyprus. John Breasly? We're not too sure where he comes from, although there are strong hints pointing to his origin being hell. They lived in a modest house in the Arizona desert, not too far from where the B0ss Family lived. Their house was the non-mobile version of the S.E.X.-V.M. The Stupendously Erecting Xenophobic Vehicle Module. It was modeled after Mallace's penis. Outside of the home were some lovely swimming pools. John was very upset as he had been demoted from being an administrator on the PPW, surprisingly not a porn site. It was rather a gateway for other porn websites, at least until Davy Hookwrecker was demoted as well. Being angry seemed to be Breasly's natural state, he seemed content with it. His housemates had different natural states. Underground this home was a luxurious sex dungeon where Mallace and Garland would go to satisfy their deepest desires. This room also had life-size sex dolls ready for use at any time. While they weren't always clean, enjoyment was a constant factor. Andrew and his husband Jeremiah did everything together, they bathed, slept, ate and drank. Nothing could be done to separate the two. Until money was involved. Mallace would do anything he could for a quick buck, he strived to be the richest man alive. He constantly attempted to reach the level of wealth and status the B0ss Family had obtained, but he would never quite make it there. 11-21-15_12-56 AM.png 11-21-15_12-50 AM.png 11-20-15_10-13 PM-3.png Crossing Paths Andrew, Jeremiah, and Breasly decided to set off and explore the neighborhood after se eing the Prime Minister of Britain, Johnny Goldtimbers, taking a stroll. They knew that they were not alone in this new world, and needed to make sure that certain people would never know of their dirty secrets. Sadly, their plans went awry when John walked in on Mallace and Garland bathing together. The poor child had been exposed to the kind of thing those only see around Boba. After this tragedy he needed to go on a walk to blow off some steam. No, not Boba's steam you sick bastard. 11-21-15_12-55 AM-2.png 12-11-15_7-28 PM.png 12-11-15_7-33 PM.png This walk took Breasly to the river where SvS battles were held. He saw a beauty of a ship, the HMS Noble Navigator. The ship's crew was being pestered by Darth Vader, who was searching for a ship called the Black Destroyer. Vader was still looking for the Klansman that had harassed him and forced his hand. He was not successful in accomplishing his goal, the crew had no idea where the Black Destroyer was or where the Klansman had been. It was probably because they were all small children. These children would grow up fast, though. Vader had marked the ship's location for Boba to do some booty bounty hunting. Breasly approached the ship ready to lead his men into battle once more. Sadly, John was not hi 12-11-15_8-02 PM.png 12-11-15_8-03 PM.png|"WHY AREN'T YOU GUNNING" gh enough level in the sailing or cannon skill, so he just yelled at everyone while they did all of the work. This was his favorite style of leadership, sitting back and doing nothing. His use of this style was probably why Britain was losing for half of the battle. It was not until Team SvS came that Britain was on top once more. Season 2 - My Big FAT Polish Sausage-Wedding II 06-20-15_3-13 AM.png|Uh oh I'm in danger 06-20-15_3-14 AM.png 06-20-15_3-14 AM-2.png|The Reaper shows 06-20-15_3-19 AM.png|Johnny bargaining with the demon himself, Kwagar After the Renegade Mercenary sunk, which is a very rare thing that almost never happens, Davy Gunfish found himself in hot-hot-hot water. Although the water was cold, as cold as the Arctic Ocean's depths, he simply could not make it back to shore because there was no shore. He was in the middle of bumhole nowhere. There was not a passing ship to be found. Is it here that the infamous Captain Polish King Renegade himself, Davy Gunfish, would just drown and die. Alas, his illustrious journey had finally come to a sticky end. But this was all for naught, as the actions of his grandfather, Johnny Goldtimbers would end up saving him. When the Grim Reaper, also known as Kwagar Ocata the Bloodspiller (edgy), arrived to collect his soul, Johnny stepped up to save the man. He bargained with the Reaper for a mere 15 seconds. He said to him, "If you want to take my grandson down there, you'll have to take me down there too to redecorate hell." Johnny was keen on giving interior decorating advice, but the Grim Reaper would have none of that. He had dealt with Johnny previously when he was known as Kwagar Ocata, and he was not ready to face another DIY project. He had already been humiliated countless times because Johnny had watched every episode of Holmes on Homes and was a frequent viewer of HGTV. With this new lease on life, Davy decided that it would be best if he found a wife to impregnate. This wife would carry on the legacy of the Polish Crown and the Renegade Mercenary. She would become the newest member of the House of Wettin This Pussi Galore. It wa 06-19-15_1-23 AM.png|The hunt begins. 06-19-15_1-48 PM.png|Target acquired. You may fire when ready. s with this newfound LUST for life that he would make his way to the nearest watering hole to acquire a fine Saxon bride. Only the best brides come from the east parts of Germany. Davy was not going to have any of those Slavic ones. Even though he ruled over a majority of the Slavic lands. He found their women repulsive. But deep deep deep down, Davy Gunfish secretly found all females repulsive. But that's a surprise for another day. When Davy Gunfish ran one fat mile to the local bar he was surrounded by women. He locked eyes with the only Saxon one in the entire establishment. He had tracked down the only Saxon female of any quality for miles using his sausage senses. After m 06-20-15_3-40 AM.png|The beginning of physically transmitted love. 06-20-15_4-11 AM.png 06-20-15_4-11 AM-5.png|Gazebo man, the floor is lava. Ouch ouch ouchie, my feet hurt, my feet on fire. eeting said woman, he immediately knew that she would bear the child that would carry on the legacy of the Commonwealth. He told her of this legacy, and she understood what her duty was. She was to be impregnated as soon as possible after the wedding (because we Polish are good Catholics). They shared their first kiss and everything was set in stone. He later proposed to her in a very romantic manner at the household next to the beautifully designed and decorative pool. A huge party would be thrown at the B0ss house in celebration of the engagement. A massive bachelor party was to be held with beautiful strippers of the male variety. A night of debauchery, lust, and creaminess. One the likes of had never been seen in that quiet neighborhood within the Sin City of Sim. 06-20-15_4-12 AM.png|Deep deep deep, deep deep deep 06-20-15_4-13 AM-3.png|Prime party attire 06-20-15_4-17 AM-2.png|STD boi 06-20-15_4-17 AM-3.png 06-20-15_4-29 AM.png 06-20-15_4-29 AM-2.png|Even Filthy Frank isn't this filthy Everyone would have their booties in the air, passed out from the sheer exhilaration of the event. Filthy Frank would become violently ill with a nasty STD of the unknown variety, most likely contracted from one of the hired talents (strippers ;) male). A thick layer of grime would cover everyone by the end of the night, this was no clean affair. Only Mr. Clean himself could have dealt with the messes being made. After a heavy night of disgusting partying, it was finally time for the wedding of the ages. Everything was set, everything was paved for. It was paid for in the horses of the famed Polish Winged Hussars. Nobody could match the spending power of the King of the Commonwealth. The wedding would take place at the B0ss house, as is customary. It was to be a grand occasion, attended by all of the neighbors (even though they are unimportant disgusting wastrels). The King had a new consort, although not all things were good at the wedding. One Hannah Bluefeather would find herself on the receiving end of Boba Fett's devious helmet. He also smelled like bantha poodoo. The stink lines were visible for miles, Boba was encompassed in a thick layer of filth that even Filthy Frank stayed far away from. 06-20-15_4-58 AM.png|Davy awaiting his bride 06-20-15_5-03 AM-2.png|"We'll bang, okay?" 06-20-15_5-05 AM.png|The most disgusting man on the planet, also a pedophile 06-20-15_5-04 AM-4.png 06-20-15_5-05 AM-2.png|I spy Joseph Stalin 06-20-15_5-08 AM-3.png 06-20-15_5-08 AM-2.png|HMRD 06-20-15_5-00 AM.png 06-20-15_5-04 AM-2.png 06-20-15_5-03 AM-5.png 06-20-15_5-06 AM-3.png|Finally wed Many of the wedding guests would get visibly drunk. Shepard had spotted a beautiful Mexican man named Samuel Darkwalker who he just had to have for himself. He wanted some of that darker meat. Shepard was also giving the eye to Hannah Bluefeather, although she would not be receptive of his advances. Johnny Goldtimbers would find himself piss-drunk chugging down cocktails and other fancy mixed drinks. He would not have any memory of his grandson's wedding. The Afterstench Everyone then proceeded to Shepard's underground apartment. Today the bartender was ready and he was gonna get everyone drunk, even though most everyone was already HMRD. This man was slipped an extra $500 just to keep everyone one chug away even though it was morally and inconsequently incorrect for him to do as a licensed bartender in the beautiful land of Australia. Everyone was so HMRD that they just collapsed on the floor. Johnny Goldtimbers slept on an ice cube in the bathroom and broke the toilet. The toilet pissed itself for hours until Boba Fett finally fixed it because nobody else would. But in the meantime Johnny Goldtimbers, not wanting to be a filthy degenerate barbarian, took a beautiful nap while bathing in a Roman bath. 06-20-15_4-05 AM.png|You slip a man $500 and he'll do anything 06-20-15_2-24 AM-4.png|Vader pretending to ride a swoop bike 06-20-15_5-10 AM-2.png|PPW > GFW 06-20-15_5-31 AM-2.png 06-20-15_2-50 AM.png|ROMAN Bath 06-20-15_2-56 AM.png|The resident pedophile repairman 06-20-15_5-35 AM.png|The cuckold watches Filthy Frank, in the meantime, had recovered from his STDs at a record pace by praying to Chin Chin. He was viewing the Gamers Fanon Wiki, a lesser wiki than the Pirates Online Players Wiki which was completely and utterly filled with grammar edits. There was no content aside from Mario Kart Online (which is a very good and excellently executed concept). Shepard being the cuckold that he is just had to walk in and watch from not even a one foot distance from the bed as Davy Gunfish and his new Saxon female named Elizabeth Keelburn consumated the marriage. Category:Fan Stories